Spheres of Intimacy

Intimacy can be experience in many different forms - emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy, vocational intimacy (shared work), intellectual intimacy, recreational intimacy (shared delight in play), creative intimacy (shared experiences in creating something), aesthetic intimacy (shared enjoyment of beauty), and social justic intimacy (working together to make the world a better place)

The deepest spiritual friendships are based on ever-increasing spheres of intimacy.  This is most crucial in marriage, where it is easy to be intimate with one's spouse in one or two dimensions, but outsource intimacy in other areas to friends.  (Benner, Sacred Companions, pg 72-73).

Learning to Love

My first response to the limitations of my love is always the same - to try harder.  I pray for love with more fervor.  And I try to love with more diligence.  But nothing seems to change.  Then I recall once again I have got it all backwards.  God doesn't want me to try to become more loving.  He wants me to absorb his love so that it flows out of me.  And so I return again to knowing myself as deeply loved by God.  I mediate on his love, allowing my focus to be on him and his love for me, not me and my love for him.  And slowly things begin to change.  My heart slowly begins to warm and soften.  I begin to experience new levels of love for God.  And slowly, almost imperceptibly, I begin to see others through God's eyes of love.  I begin to experience God's love for others.  Sacred Companions - David Benner

Dreams

I'm taking a spiritual direction class.  One of the books that we are reading is Sacred Companions by Benner.  In one of the sections he talks about Attending to God's revelation through dreams.  He recommends the following mnemonic for processing through dreams:
T Title - Give the dream a title
T Theme - Note its overall theme
A Affect - Note the dominant emotions in the dream
Q Question - Note the potential questions the dream poses for you

Interestingly enough, that evening after reading this, I had a dream.  In the dream, I was practicing Lectio Divina and I was trying to recall the scripture in Matthew 11:28-29 where Jesus was saying: Come to me, all you weary and burdened...

However, in the dream I could not recall that verse.  Instead, "Be still, and know that I am God" from Psalm 46:10 was coming to mind.

I woke up and thought about this dream.  Was God revealing something to me through this time.  Using Benner's process, I cam up with the following:

Title: Be Still
Theme: Being still so that I can know God
Affect: Longing, Call, Command
Questions:

1. Is being still a pre-requisite for knowing God more deeply?
2. How can I be more still?

A Zip Tie

I was getting anxious again, worried that I would be overwhelmed by my new job.  I was use to leading teams and delivering software as a team.  However, in a smaller company I would be responsible for delivering functionality by myself.

That evening in small group, God gave somebody a vision of a zip tie.  Typically you pull a zip tie tight to hold things like cables in place.  However, in this vision the zip tie was closing on the object, but it did not squeeze the object.  There was space.

I thought for a minute and thought this vision be for me.  I had been anxious that I would be squeezed by the job and that it would be more than I could handle.

It touched me that God would care about me enough to give somebody this vision and how God uses the body of Christ to minister to each other.  It gave me peace before I started the job and after starting the job, I saw that the vision was accurate.

This could cause resentment

We were going to counseling as we were struggling through whether I should take a job with an investment bank because it meant that Grace could not day trade.  One of the things that the counselor said that stood out was that we need to be careful with this decision because it could cause a lot of resentment if not handled well.

That really stood out to me as I had not considered resentment as a possible issue.  However, I could see the wisdom in make a decision carefully as to not cause resentment in our marriage.

Anxiety

During the summer, I was looking to change jobs.  I was desperate to get out of my previous job.  I had interviewed and was waiting to hear back from them.  During the waiting time, I had serious anxiety - not being able to sleep at night and being consumed by the job search.

That night in small group, God gave a person in small group a word.  He said somebody here is anxious.  I thought for a minute and thought that must be me.  I shared with the group and they prayed for me.  I was at peace for a few weeks until I lost my peace again.  :)

That night the scripture that was brought up was Psalm 139:23-24: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

New life was brought to this scripture as I realized how God views anxiety.  It also touched me that God cared about me enough to give somebody this word of knowledge.

Remembering Us

The past 3 years has been a difficult time (as God forewarned us before we moved to Houston) from the challenges of working with family and going through the loss of a child. There have been times, especially after the loss of Peter, that we felt like things were just taking a natural course and God wasn't actively intervening in our life.

I was reading through 1 Samuel 1:15-20 and following verses stood out to me:
1 Sam 1:19-20 (NIV) Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah lay with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, "Because I asked the LORD for him."

I've been praying that God will remember us in the midst of our struggles of going through the loss of child, possibly having another child, the struggles of the business, my parents coming to know God, and the Word we felt God give us before we moved to Houston of it not being easy, but that there would be blessing in it.

Counseling

Here are some things that I learned after going to counseling with my mom to improve our relationship:
1. Mirroring - repeating what the other person said (until we get it right!). So often, we don't feel like the other party heard what we said or we're not listening to what the other person is saying. Mirroring requires that both parties listen to each other and comprehend what the other person is communicating.

2. Taking a timeout. When it gets too intense, take a break, and come back and resolve the issue later. It is important to come back and resolve the issue and not just take a timeout and not come back and resolve the issue.

3. Anger is a secondary emotion --- it is caused by something else. e.g. Feeling disrespected, wronged, or not appreciated. So often we focus on the anger part, but that does not get us any where. It is important to identify the issue causing the anger.

His presence is our reward

A few months ago Nancy Southern gave a sermon. One thing she said that stood out to me was, "His presence is our reward." I can't remember the topic of the sermon, but that one thing stood out. Soon after that, we had a miscarriage. Both Grace and I were struggling through this period. We had a pre-term birth earlier in the year and now a miscarriage. We felt God was not actively listening to our prayers and intervening in our life. It seemed like things were just taking a natural course. However, in the midst of these feelings, the thing that Nancy said was in the back of my mind ... His presence is our reward.

Grace and I were keeping our feelings to ourselves; we were not even talking to each other about it. One Friday a member in our small group had a pray request. They had a friend who had experienced untimely deaths in her family and were not able to have children. As a result of these experiences, they were struggling in their faith about God.

When they shared that prayer request, we shared with our small group that we were going through similar struggles. That Sunday our small group prayed for us. The week before I would wake up in the middle of the night, struggling with questions of why and asking God for His mercy in our life and for God to come and affirm and encourage us. After that prayer, God miraculously gave me His peace.

I think one thing that Satan wants us to do is isolate ourselves from the body of the Christ. When he does that he can do his work more effectively. When we share our struggles with the church and have the church pray, there is power in that to overcome.

A few weeks after a lady shared in our small group about "practicing the presence of God". How true! We need to actively seek God's face and His presence in our life for His presence is our reward.

Where's Jesus

This past Sun, we had a speaker who opened up the sermon with a passage from Luke:

Luke 2:42-45 (NIV) When he was twelve years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him.

Do we sometimes go about our life, doing ministry, thinking Jesus is with us, then all of the sudden we realize we've been doing it on our own. We lost Jesus along the way.

God with Us

This past Sun I went up for prayer with the ministry teams after service. I was feeling like I was missing intimacy with God amidst all the difficulties and conflict at work. The prayed one thing that really struck me: God is with me. In the midst of all we go through in life, God is with us. Emmanuel ... God is with us.

Finishing the race

Our small group leader, Paul, was praying for us as the Spirit led him. One thing that he prayed for me was: God's purposes for our life would be accomplished and that we wouldn't be tripped up along the way.

That really hit my heart b/c we have been praying for God to reveal His purposes for us and that his purposes for our life would be accomplished. I don't want to get off course by getting distracted with conflict at work or spiritual warfare causing conflict or dissension in our family and work life. Or a myriad of other things like our preoccupation of our own stuff we have to do keeping us from ministering to others or our distractions in the stock market and financial investments pre-occupying us and keeping us from seeking first the kingdom of God and being generous.

1 Cor 9:24-27 says: Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

At the end, I want to be able to say: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Tim 4:7

Same team

For Married couples
We're on the same team. I'm not against you, you're not against me. Why do we sometimes act like we're against each other.