Mix of Emotions

Losing Peter was a very sudden. We were half-way through the second trimester. We were half-expecting we might lose him in the first trimester, but didn't think anything like this would happen in the second trimester.

Grace was experiencing some bleeding on the Wed before New Year's. We called the doctor, but she didn't seem to think it was too serious and said you might have a couple episodes of that and to come in on Mon. We went in on Sat and she said we were dilated 5 cm and that we were going to lose our baby.

That first night in the hospital was the most difficult. Babies are not considered viable until 24 weeks gestation. We were at 21 1/2 weeks. We did not have any contractions, but part of the amniotic sac was already out of uterus. The doctors were saying its only a matter of time b4 Peter would be delivered and would not survive after wards. The doctor's wanted to induce labor, but we were not comfortable making that choice at the time b/c we felt like we were choosing life or death. At this point only a miracle could cause the sac to go back in the womb and close the cervix.

That night I was praying, "God if possible, take this cup away from me; not my will, but your will be done." I did not want to go through the pain and suffering of delivering our child, knowing we would lose him.

In an unexpected mix of emotions, I found myself overcome by grief, but at the same time saying, "thank you God" over and over.